Clara Peller

Don't ask why I've been thinking about this at all... but I never really understood why that whole "Where's the Beef" ad campaign for Wendy's was funny.

Crew 3:0 Deportivo Arabe Unido

Oh... this was fun.

Whenever I see a diving crap team come into Crew Stadium I want to throttle them - diving and such histrionics are everything that is wrong with soccer. So to watch the Crew run roughshod over such a team (two goals by Edson Buddle with assists by Brian McBride and a goal off a flubbed DAU free kick by Kyle Martino) was pure bliss for me.

DAU had a one-goal aggregate lead going into this game based on a similar game in Panama and were obviously coming out to bunker in and not let anyone score. So... you'd think that when the Crew tied it up, they'd stop bunkering, wouldn't you?

Nope. This team was an embarrassment to the country of Panama. The fact that we lost down there should be (and was, according to Buddle) embarrassing to the Crew, because Deportivo Arabe Unido was simply a bad team. They had some good players, and it's a shame they play the way they did, because they could have been really good. But instead they flopped around like a salmon on the shore of the Columbia River, waiting to be eaten by a bear. And that bear was Columbus.

I'm Velveeta. Somehow I figured.

Every once in a while I run into a website that's just plain fun. And this one hit the buzzer.

Ahh, you are "Velveta Shells and Cheese". You are expensive, no
denying this, but its the price you pay for quality. You
don't even require other food supplies. Water and a pan
is all you need to get by. That silver bag your cheese
comes in looks like something out of the 23rd century, but
it's cool! And those crevices in the shells hold the cheese
so well... You Rock!

Take the What Kind of Macaroni and Cheese Are You? Quiz
Created by LJ User RobProv222

CONCACAF Champions Cup

The Crew plays this Sunday in the CONCACAF Champions Cup, against Deportivo Arabe Unido of Panama. This competition is the premier Club competition in North America and for the first time the Crew gets to play in it, on the basis of their winning the 2002 U.S. Open Cup.

The first leg is in Panama, but the next leg, on March 23rd, is right here - IN COLUMBUS, OHIO! Crew fans - MAKE SURE YOU COME OUT FOR THIS GAME! This is the biggest competition that America's Hardest Working Team has ever been involved in. Judging by the number of folks who showed up to the U.S. Open Cup Final at Crew Stadium, there isn't a heck of a lot of knowledge about such competitions and how important they are. This was obvious when the Crew won its first title ever and only about 6000 folks showed up to watch. It was a good loud crowd, of course, but it also showed how many fair-weather Crew fans there are. It was cold that night but both teams played their hearts out and it was a great result for a deserving team.

This international competition needs to be well-attended. The Revolution, another team involved in the competition, has basically forfeited the first round by opting to play both their home and away legs at their Costa Rican opponents stadium. That's asinine, of course, but if MLS teams don't see that there's a financial benefit to playing these games at home, then they're not going to do it. And international competition is what soccer is all about.

Good Advice For the Modern Workplace

When Terrorists Attack!!!

Here's a list of stuff to watch out for when we're under terrorist attack after Bush sends us to a useless war that his father should have finished the first time.

From the "Too Good To Be True" Column...

Okay, I lowered myself today to eating Kraft Microwave Instant Mac 'n' Cheese.

Folks, do yourself a favor and avoid this product. It's just not good. The macaroni cooks okay but the cheese is positively awful. It'd be better if they used some sort of Velveeta packet instead of the powder stuff.

Oh well, you don't know till you try.

Sidewalk Nazi Redux

Okay, I've come up with a solution to the sidewalk issue. When I'm walking my dog Brandy, if she takes a dump on the lawn of someone who HAS shoveled, it gets picked up. Otherwise, it's going to sit there as a badge of "I don't care about my neighborhood."

Seemed like a good answer at the time.

Mardi Gras Light

I made Jambalaya last night for the first time (well, the first time that it wasn't from a mix). Gotta say I did a fine fine job. My kudos to the About.com Guide for Southern Cooking. Awesome stuff. This weekend we're going to try to make beignets.

I suppose it was my way of celebrating Mardi Gras since I'm not in New Orleans or Galveston or anywhere like that. But one of these days I will be.

ARMA

I've recently joined a new group called ARMA - the Association for Rennaissance Martial Arts. They are a group that is looking to recreate the warrior skills of medieval and rennaissance Europe, with particular attention to swordsmanship. And so far they seem like one of the most interesting bunch of folks I've ever run into.

My major problem with most martial arts studios is that there isn't much room to experiment and develop - you go in, you learn a prescribed set of skills, and you're graded (Sort of like school, which I'm also not a big fan of). And many of them are so dogmatic in their approach that to ever question things is some sort of traitorous behavior.

But ARMA is trying to recreate skills that are long-gone. And they are doing this by consulting the existing historical manuals of fencing and combat - the actual works from those ages past. These Fechtbuecher or "fighting books" from the German, cover a wide variety of weapons and such. They are of varying quality, of course - some of that old medieval art is hard to decipher because they didn't have the same sort of anatomical study behind them as later art (such as that from the rennaissance) in many cases.

But the people in ARMA are a very diverse lot. There are some strict scholars, who have studied swords and written about them. There are professional law-enforcement and military personnel. There are life-long martial artists. And there are lots of just plain history buffs (like myself) who are fascinated by the entire idea of truly re-creating history. These folks are smart, athletic, and realize that there is a place for exercising both the mind and the body.

And most importantly, they're all learning together. If someone comes across something in a manual that makes you think a certain way and it's not what other folks in the group have learned or come to think, it's looked at seriously and taken into careful consideration. This is as opposed to ideas being quickly dismissed because of some pre-conceived dogma about the art, as I've seen in a the few asian martial arts I've taken.

I honestly can't think of a more productive way to exercise both mind and body than such a group. We're all learning together, and our learning is being translated directly into our martial arts. How cool is that?

Sidewalk Nazi

Well, now that I live in a house in an actual neighborhood and not an apartment, I have a few things to say on the subjects of sidewalks.

I was raised in a neighborhood where, after it snowed, you went out and shoveled the snow off the stretch of sidewalk that was in front of your house. It's that simple. If you have snow on your walks, the mailman and other pedestrians can't get through or might hurt themselves. It's also just you doing your bit of neighborhood duty.

But since I moved to Clintonville, I've noticed that not everyone feels this way. In fact, it appears to be completely fine to just not do it at all, and let people fall over and hurt themselves. Like my wife. My wife fell and hurt her tailbone a couple of weeks ago and she was in a lot of pain. In Michigan, she could legitimately have sued the person whose walk it was.

I don't know if that's how it is here or not... I'm new to this whole house thing. But I can't imagine that this sort of thing is permissable!

So folks... if your walks have snow on them, remove it. ALL OF IT. Not that one little sweep through with the snowblower or shovel to make that path that only tightrope walkers can make it through. Remove it ALL. Be considerate of those people around you and maybe they'll be considerate to you.

MLS Draft

It's long past time that I got back on track with this blog. So here we go.

Last Friday, I sat in front of my PC here at work and entered information onto the Matchnight.com database on the MLS SuperDraft. Three things happened as a result of this event, as far as I'm concerned.

1. Matchnight.com and MLSNet.com were both dragged to a near standstill by the people who were trying to access them to get draft information. Very frustrating and very encouraging at the same time.
   
2. The importance of the internet for American Soccer fans has been perfectly displayed by event Number Two.
   

One of the big criticisms I have of the Columbus Crew is that the website is generally the last to get informed about the big news happening in Crew-dom. Preference on story notification is given to the Columbus Dispatch and whatever TV stations have deigned the story at hand worthy to cover. Meanwhile, the internet, which most Crew fans use to get their information about the team, is treated as a low man on the totem pole. We get the information last - whenever the Crew decides they can get around to us.

And that's just wrong.

We need to be current about all Crew news before any other media outlet is, if at all possible. How does it look when the Dispatch is covering a story that we haven't posted yet because they haven't sent us the press release? Bad. And we've fielded complaints about that at many times. And we've told the Crew this many times. But for some reason, they just continually treat us as a second-rate source. And treating your own media outlet as a second-rate source is never good.

Update on refs

Well, I did a little checking up on this Robert Evans guy, and apparently he's a real referee, and pretty high up in the FIFA referee rankings. So if the document from a couple days ago is by him then it needs to be taken seriously.

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Justice is done

Los Angeles beat the New England Revolution yesterday in the MLS Cup final, and thank goodness. As much as I dislike the Galaxy and their über-whiner Cobi Jones, anything is better than a team that plays like the Revolution. You've seen my comments there, of course.

The one thing that I absolutely loved, though, about the Galaxy win, was the look of sheer joy on the face of Carlos Ruiz after he put the winning goal past Adin Brown in overtime. Too often in this league, the foreign players don't seem to be taking the whole thing seriously, like MLS is just something to do to get out of wherever they were playing before. But the look on Ruiz's face was one of the sheerest outpourings of emotion I've ever seen on an athlete's face... and this was for a U.S. soccer final! It is SO nice to see the foreigners take this stuff seriously here... big kudos to Ruiz and the Galaxy.

Granted, I hope he doesn't continue that look at Crew Stadium on Thursday when the Crew takes the Galaxy on in the U.S. Open Cup finals, because the Crew needs to win their first trophy!

More Shame on MLS... maybe

Interesting that I wrote that last Blog entry on the referees' inability to control a game... now it's beginning to appear as though they're not being given the chance to control a game.

Please read this article by Robert Evans, reportedly a long-time FIFA Referee and Referee Instructor. The name "Bob Evans" gives me pause, though there's not any reason in the world that a person couldn't actually have that name.

Read it yet? Good. I'll continue.

A sport is nothing without its rules, and more specifically the un-biased and fair interpretation and execution of those rules. And if this is true, MLS has been bending the rules to benefit the bottom line, supposedly.

Here's a quote:

Major League Soccer is encouraging and instructing referees to violate the Laws of the Game. The motivation for this appears to be an attempt to eliminate controversial decisions, and to protect star players from disciplinary action that would normally be taken by a referee fulfilling his/her duty to the game.

First of all... how do not calling back-tackles, denial of goal-scoring opportunities, modification of the offside rule to benefit the defenders, removal of key extra time, not handing out cards for dissent, allowing play to continue when the ball strikes an official, and not handing out second yellow cards even when deserved eliminate controversial decisions?

Newsflash for MLS: The fans know this game. You're not pulling in many non-soccer fans, what you're doing is you're attracting soccer fans who up till now haven't been paying attention to the domestic league. These folks are watching the English or other European/South American leagues and only occasionally coming to an MLS game. And the fans who have watched it all along also watched foreign and international play before watching MLS. They KNOW what a call is and they KNOW how it should be called. You're creating more controversy by having your refs not call penalties and distribute cards like they're supposed to do.

And protecting star players? Why are these players protected more than anyone else? How did they become star players in the first place? By coming up through the ranks and making a name for themselves in the league. So as soon as MLS deems them a star player, suddenly they're immune to the rules of the game? What about that other player who got a penalty because of his actions against a star player, or as usually happens DIDN'T get a call because they were fouled by a "star" player? He might be a star of the future... but if you keep holding the current stars up to a different standard than the players who are up-and-coming, you eliminate the future stars.

And you also push fans away from the game. We're not dumb, MLS. We know how this game is supposed to be played.

Shame on the Revolution, Shame on MLS

Well, another MLS Cup Semifinal round has come and gone for the Crew, and the Black and Gold return home empty again. This is an old story for Crew fans, who have been to three different MLS Cup Semifinal series and have come up short each time. So why is it that this one hurts just a tad more than the infamous DC United series of the late 1990s?

Perhaps it's because this time we were the better team on the field.

Warning - for those of you who rankle at the columns of a certain Paul Gardner, you may want to avert your eyes from this column because it's going to be full of opinions about what is "good" soccer and what is "crap" soccer. You have been warned.

Throughout the first two games, I had all sorts of folks telling me that there was a conspiracy against the Crew - that MLS wanted the Revs to win to ensure a home-field team being in the final. And honestly, I have no problem with that. MLS is a struggling league and a high ticket sales count for the Championship game would certainly be a wonderful thing, revenue-wise. The league management can want as much as they can get... As long as that's as far as it goes.

However... there were at least FOUR separate occurrences of fouls in the New England box that should have resulted in penalty kicks, two in the second game and two in the third. I watched Carlos Llamosa stand in front of Dante Washington and hold him away from getting to a ball, with referee Kevin Stott standing there watching. I saw time-wasting, faked injuries, pissing and moaning around, and never once did I see an actual call made to yellow card the Revs for their actions in these games.

This is why MLS fans hate the referees so much. They have no concept of controlling a game to make the teams actually play soccer. All these tactics are the kind of stuff that over-competitive kids' travel team coaches pull to win in tournaments (to the detriment of their players development). And any referee worth his salt should see this and make the appropriate calls and keep the game moving. Get the stretchers out on the field and get the "injured" players off. Card players who consistently waste time getting the ball into play on free kicks and throw-ins. Card players for dissent when they pick up the ball on an opponent's free kick and walk off with it. This is NOT soccer... this is acting and unsportsmanlike.

There's nothing wrong with playing to slow the tempo of a game down. It makes for boring soccer, that's for sure, but it's legal and sportsmanlike. Lots of passing through the back, perhaps some probing forward to keep the other team honest and spread out, that's fine. A defensive game like the Kansas City Wizards played in the 2000 MLS Cup game against the Chicago Fire was actually fairly entertaining... the talented and quick KC defenders were simply well-organized and collapsed on the ball well. But it was tactically sound and never once relied on cheap histrionics and piddly time-wasting to get the job done.

The difference here, though, between the 2000 Wizards and the 2002 Revolution? Talent. The Revs have nearly NONE on their team. I'll admit, you can't deny Taylor Twellman is a goal scorer extraordinaire, and Adin Brown had a wonderful series (until the Crew found the back of the net too late in Game 3). But that's pretty much where it ends. The rest of the Revs team was a crying, cheap-shot, holding, clutching, cheap-tackling, and unsportsmanlike bunch of babies.

Normally when it comes to the finals, I cheer for whatever team knocked the Crew out of the playoffs. I like to think that it took the top team to take down the Crew. But this year, I'll be cheering for the L.A. Galaxy. Because the Revs won the MLS Semifinals not by playing soccer, but by doing everything they could to avoid playing quality ball against a quality attacking team.