I subscribe to a few mailing lists from different folks I admire, many of them fitness and motivation mavens. Vince Palko is one, and I wanted to share this message with you because it struck a chord in me. He hits a lot of areas in this message, but still, I think the point is clear. Read for yourself.
"Your job is not to make friends with everyone in your class or kiss up to your teacher.
"Your job is to learn as much as you can and then go out into the world, and test what you've learned against the realities of life."
Those were the words spoken to my oldest daughter when I found out she has never gotten one yellow card, red card, or black card for any bad behavior our last parent teacher conference.
I soft peddled the approach a bit but you get the gist of my message to her.
This might shock you that I think this way.
Yet, you have to be willing to take risks and step outside the boundaries a bit in order to reach your true potential.
And Sophia is petrified of how others will view her when she gets slapped with a yellow card. I speak from a lifetime of experience. Fear keeps her in line. Yet, at the same time, it is who she is.
So I will use this as a point to my email and let her be for now. Trusting her self-awareness will serve her as mine has done me.
I'm reminded of something way back when in art.
In graphic design class, my gay professor (not that theres anything wrong with being gay) always told us, sometimes you have to break the rules. Design is heavy on rules and formulas that you may or may not know. "When you do so," he'd say, "thats when the artwork pops from the background your mundane competition who follows all the rules."
Its the same with life.
Yet, if our school system is rewarding this get in a single file line and stay there... like emotionless robots ... this is very bad for this here thing called LIFE.
I have to watch what I say because I come from a family of teachers (Yes, more people pleasing). And teachers are about the worst paid professionals on the planet. Who wants to teach a class full of monkeys jumping off the wall. I know, I know.
However, this robotic-like behavior reminds me of being in Germany back in the late nighties and going to a bank to deposit a check for cash. Everyone stood in a single file line and never once crossed over the yellow painted box signifying the person speaking with the tellers space.
No one so much as stood out of line or dared put their shoe laces over that yellow
line.
Those Krauts are awesome fine tuners and great engineers but horrible original thinkers and creators.
Those words written at the top of this email often get repeated to myself in the mirror from time to time.
Instead of fighting the fact I have always been a people pleaser. I have adopted a new approach. I've found it to be apart of my success system and you can use it as well -- if you tend to be one of us.
In football, I never wanted to be the weakest link in the chain and let others on the team down with anything that resembled sub par performance. So, I played like I had hot coals in my drawers. And pinned my ears back trying to make every tackle. And more times than not, I did.
Today, projects get done a lot faster when I know someone is depending on me to accomplish them by a certain date.
My health becomes paramount knowing my family is depending on me to support them for a loooong time.
Yes, your health is important to you too. And if you play around with this a bit you will see that if you go with the flow of your essence you can make the people pleaser in you into a positive.
The interesting thing is by observing myself and others in people pleasing modes, I've learned to forgive myself and others when I recognize it.
So if your health immediately becomes more important because your family is depending on YOU. Go with that thought and see where it takes you.
I've long said that everyone loves the rebel, until they have to face them in person. Then, suddenly, they're an outcast.
Here's the reason for this: no one likes to see anyone else not following the rules that they feel compelled to follow. It shows their cowardice and lack of self-determination. When the rebel in question isn't right in front of them, it's easy to distance yourself from their situation. And to see that rebel succeed by not following the same rules as you? What could POSSIBLY be worse??
I put myself into a lot of situations where I'm that rebel - biking instead of driving, wearing kilts as normal clothes, etc. Obviously, there are practical reasons for these things, such as saving money on gas, or being more comfortable. But the other side of that is that I have learned that being a rebel in one thing leads to having a freer mind. The more you stop thinking of society's rules as absolute, the more you're going to succeed.
The greatest question a man can ask himself is "WHY?" And if you can't get a good answer (and that good answer is never "because everyone else is doing it"), then that rule can be thrown out. Question yourself in all things, it's the best way to succeed.
