Christmas Lights

I've been reading and hearing a lot of news recently about these folks who put up enormous Christmas light displays and, as I am wont to do, I feel I must comment.

As pretty as such displays can be (and most of them aren't much more than huge gaudy messes of lights), I find these things extremely wasteful. Unless these folks have enormous solar batteries that are powering these displays (which I sincerely doubt), they're doing nothing but wasting energy in an attempt to one-up their neighbors. And in the process, they're tying up traffic around their houses, annoying their neighbors, creating fire hazards, and doing nothing to improve the spirit of the holiday.

In my opinion, they're nothing more than selfish displays of "Look at me" and "I'm better than Jones, down the street!"

Tom Toles Sums It Up

I couldn't have put this any better...

Here's What We Have to Fight Against

Good gravy. I thought that I had seen the worst of the "Christian" political movement with the passing of pro-bigotry reforms in eleven states (including Ohio), but apparently I was wrong: even the environmental movement isn't safe from the "reforms" of the Religious Right-Wing agenda. And that scares me even more than the bigotry.

This seems to indicate that not only are religious right-wingers (I refuse to call these people Conservative Christians, as they are neither Conservative nor Christian) against issues of social justice, but that they are attempting to HASTEN the environmental downfall of the world. How is it that lunatics like these are able to gain access to political power? What exactly is the world doing wrong that this outlook is popular?

All you have to do is step outside and look at a sunset. Or gaze over the majestic views of the Appalachians. Or examine the world within one of our national parks. Or simply sit outside, far away from the world of cars, fax machines, stock options, and television, and close your eyes, and listen to the world around you. And you'll quickly understand why this world is worth saving.

Most people stop believing in fairy tales when Santa Claus becomes a story. Why is it that religious right-wingers can't do so?

America Chooses to Lose

Okay, I'm going to get all the bile in my system out in one post, so bear with me, please.

I have lost faith in America.

Yesterday, I looked out and saw a great nation that was under the rule of a president that we actually did not elect. He had taken the four years he had and destroyed our environmental protections, failed to defend our shores, abandoned a search for our attacker, pursued an illegal war that was little more than a personal grudge, thrown our economy into disarray, spent billions of dollars he didn't have, suggested writing bigotry into the Constitution, and pushed to keep us under the control of uncaring corporations.

But, there was no way that the American people were going to allow him to stay in office, I told myself. They're not going to ignore the damning evidence, believe the lies, succumb to the fear, and hide behind a veil of ignorance and vote this man back into office.

Then I got up this morning and found out that I was very, very wrong. America has re-elected George W. Bush as the President of the United States.

I simply don't have the words for the disappointment I'm feeling. I truly don't understand what this country is about any more. Didn't we learn ANYTHING from the Cold War? Administrations that try to influence their populations by instilling fear of the outside world can't succeed. Our nation wins by being strong, by sticking up for the tenets that we believe in as a nation. The rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Well, Life is gone. We're in a war, a war that was started against a nation that had done nothing to us. For 1100 American soldiers, Life is no longer a right they cherish. Life is also slowly being removed from us by an administration that would rather sell out to big corporations that are spewing filth into the air, raping our national resources, and perpetuating a cycle of use/discard that is choking our environment. Respiratory diseases are at an all-time high. Our air is dirtier than it has been since the Clean Air Act was initiated. Forty percent of our waterways are no longer safe for drinking, fishing, swimming, etc.

Liberty is gone. Bush's PATRIOT Act removes that. Now we're under the watchful eye of an intelligence structure that we know doesn't work. If it worked, 9/11 would never have happened. Bush is also in favor of a constitutional amendment to deny the rights of homosexuals to get married. If he's willing to write bigotry into the Constitution for one thing, what's to stop him from doing it elsewhere?

The Pursuit of Happiness is quickly going. He's paying companies to ship jobs overseas, boosting big business at the expense of small businesses and the middle class, removing environmental protections that ensure the health and welfare of the people, and adding to the national debt daily, via an unwanted war. Hard to be happy when you have no job, can't make money, you or your family are sick as a dog, and you have no idea if you'll be shipped off to fight an illegal war.

So, having established that Bush is Unamerican by his very actions, why did America vote for him? I see two reasons:

1. Despite the fact that Americans say they don't like negative campaigning, they respond to it. Bush's campaign was negative from the get-go. Kerry didn't fight back as strongly and harshly as he should have. It would have been easy to do so, just bringing up almost ANY Bush "achievement" shows his failures.

2. The Democrats do NOT realize what this country wants any more. They're stuck in an older mindset, where established candidates are the ones that can push things forward. Kerry is a prime example of that. On the other hand, look at the last two Democratic Presidents: Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. Neither of them was what you'd call an establishment Democrat - they're not from the Northeast, they're not Ivy Leaguers (Yes, I know Clinton did law school at Yale, but he didn't do his undergrad work there), and to a certain extent they bucked the system. They also were not senators - they were governors.

The Republicans, on the other hand, have gotten very good at wordsmithing and turning the nation against words such as "liberal" and "intellectual" by treating them as insults. And the Democrats have fallen right into their trap. You never see a politician describing him or herself as "liberal" any more, you hear "progressive." You don't hear them calling themselves "environmentalist," you hear "conservationist." And they defend their dangerous policies by talking about smaller government, removing the "welfare state," and railing against the "liberal media."

The second thing that frightened me about this election, even more so than the Bush victory, was the willingness of Americans to write bigotry into the laws. I am referring to the eleven issues on the ballots in state elections looking to outlaw marriages by gay individuals. In every case where this took place, they were victories, and especially in the southern states. In Ohio, ONE county voted against the issue, and it was close there.

What kind of person votes to deny basic rights to a person simply because of who they are attracted to? How does it really affect anyone if same-sex marriage is allowed? This is all connected to so-called Christianity. Now, as most folks who know me know, I refuse to call any members of the so-called "Christian Right" a Christian. I was raised as a Christian, I know what it means. It doesn't mean try to use an archaic book to justify bigotry and hatred. It means to follow Jesus's most important commandment: "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

The important thing in the bible isn't to follow it all word-for-word. That's simply not possible, as it's a centuries-old compilation work which is extraordinarily inaccurate and contradicts itself frequently. Rather, take the important messages from it and follow those. And the primary one is the one I just mentioned in the previous paragraph.

At any rate, the Democrats need some new blood. And it has to be people who are clean and competent. Clinton was competent but he came with some extra baggage in the form of his personal life, and the Republicans were able to waylay his administration throught that. I hear people talking about John Edwards to run in 2008, but a one-term senator isn't going to be experienced enough to do so. Hillary Clinton is another name I hear. But if Americans aren't ready to allow gay marriage, they certainly aren't going to be up for being led by a liberal female.

But, I kept wondering during this election how things would be going if Howard Dean had received the nomination. I am quite sure he wouldn't have let Bush beat up on him the way Kerry did. Add to that the fact that Kerry had a Senate voting record that Bush was able to exploit. I'm not sure how Bush would have attacked Dean's gubernatorial record, I'm sure he would have figured out a way. But Dean would have pulled no punches in pointing out the shortfalls of the Bush administration, unlike John Kerry. Dean would have fought harder, and in a way that would have mobilized the unprecedented grassroots movement he attracted.

For my money, the best candidate for the next Democrat nomination is Howard Dean.

Until then, I will wait and see exactly what the President plans to do to re-unite America. He said in his acceptance speech, "To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust" He's going to have to work awfully hard to gain that support from the Kerry voting populace. And he's going to have to do nearly full reversals to get anything from me.

The Kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.

After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said... "I don't know where y'been laddie...but it's nice ta' know y'won first prize!"

Ach! I'm Kilted!

Well, it's happened... My wonderful wife got me one of the best gifts ever for our second anniversary/my 36th birthday:

A Utilikilt! That's right, the newest member of the Utiliclan is yours truly!


Pardon the poor quality of the picture - it's my Clie camera but I wanted to get something up.

It's great... never have I been so comfortable. And, some of the looks I've gotten have been absolutely priceless.

Only two comments so far: one asking if it was, indeed, a kilt; and the other a definite thumbs up from a guy working in one of Clintonville's fine antique store.

There are times when it feels like some of those dreams where you're in public without any clothes on, but those are fleeting and it's SO comfortable. I love wearing the thing... gonna have to get some more of them before I wear this one out! :)

Homestar Runner!

Okay, I ran into a website that figures out which Homestar Runner character you are today, and here's what I got:

Take the Homestar Runner Character Quiz by Coach Vee!

Guess it could be worse, I could be Strong Mad. Or Homsar...

Prepare for A Petroleum-less Society

Was reading one of my favorite blogs today, IdleWorm. Dermot, the blogger, is a bit angrier than I am, but he frequently shows up with some links to news I hadn't seen (wow, news that a normal viewer of American media wouldn't see... go figure).

He was talking about a lecture he went to at CalTech regarding the collapse of the oil-based economy that we live in today. Unlike many researchers, Dr. David Goodstein apparently is predicting that we'll be in a society where we're forced to deal without oil within a decade... this scares the crap out of me since I'm going to be meeting my first child in less than a month!

The way I see it, I'm doing pretty well with the oil-less society to a certain extent. I already don't use a car - I take public transportation and live near two supermarkets, so I don't have to worry about getting to the store or to work. And, before my bike was stolen, I was using that to get around when I had to be somewhere the bus didn't go, or I wasn't familiar with the route.

But I'm terrible as far as my job goes. I'm a computer programmer - I'm useless if anything happens to computer use in the coming decade, particularly if we don't wean ourselves off the petroleum teat and move to more renewable forms of energy such as wind, solar, etc.

So... the options are... what?

I think it's time to start looking at other things than computers. I mean, I'm not going to quit my job or anything, but I do need to come up with something I can do, just in case our society doesn't get its act together in time to avoid the petroleum dearth. And even if it doesn't come as quickly as Dr. Goodstein is saying, it's probably not a bad idea to get the idea of real self-sufficiency going, particularly since my kid is going to have to deal with it (given the old 40-year timeline).

Lessons Learned: Trust The Animals

Last night, as I was going to bed, our dog Brandy was barking at something outside. Normally, when she's doing this, she saw a squirrel or something like that, and wants to chase it down. So we tell her to be quiet and then shut the window or whatever.

Well, Jenn went out to her car this morning and it had been broken into. She lost about 100 CDs, including one that had been made at our wedding. She also lost all her change and her cell phone.

As the title said: Lesson learned. I will now go out and check whenever that dog gets a burr in her ass. And I'm going to bring at least my waster with me. Anyone who breaks into my house or car is going to get a freaking beating at the very least.

I am so furious right now... we have a kid coming into this world and to think that the house and neighborhood we chose isn't safe makes me absolutely crazy. And if we had just paid attention to what our dog, who is a watchdog by nature, was trying to tell us, then we wouldn't be out all that stuff and my piece of mind would be secure.

Brandy, we owe you an apology. Next time we let you go to kick the ass of whoever is out there. And then I go out there with something to continue the job and make sure they freaking pay.

Kudos to... Um... RUSSIA?

In what I consider a very surprising move, Russia has ratified the Kyoto Protocol, that international treaty dedicated to reducing the amounts global climate change-causing pollutants in the atmosphere. By doing this, they've pretty much ensured that the treaty will be ratified worldwide, despite what the misguided Bush Administration does. I would LOVE to see sanctions against the US forcing us to adapt the Protocol's guidelines, which the Clinton Administration was ready to sign into effect.

It'd be nice to see the 800-pound gorilla have to learn to play nice with the rest of the animal kingdom. Hopefully we won't have to worry about Bush and his administration too much longer.

International On the Wrong Track

It absolutely amazes me how people can not even see how inappropriate their products are. The International company, makers of tractors, school buses, dump trucks, and the like, are marketing a pickup truck that costs upwards of $93,000. The thing hauls 20 tons or something, and it makes the waste-of-gas-and-metal Hummer look like a Chevette.

It weighs twice as much as a Ford F-350 and is two feet taller. How is this monstrosity ever supposed to be good for the environment? "Well, they obviously mean it to be used by industry," you say.

"Wrong," I say. I read the article.

Rob Swim, International's marketing director, said the 5-passenger CXT will appeal to image-conscious contractors, roofers, landscapers and other small-business owners who can use the towing power but also want to draw attention to themselves.

"This truck is for businesses that want to make a bold statement," Swim said. "It's for business people that want to promote as much as perform."

See? It's for the IMAGE-CONSCIOUS contractors and such. So it's meant to be on the road with the rest of us.

Folks, please boycott this vehicle.

Stupid Columbus Drivers, Again

Jenn and I were in the parking garage after our doctor's appointment this morning, and we were getting ready to pull out when the lady behind us (waiting for us to get out, naturally, instead of just pulling ahead to the next level where there were plenty of spots) pulled too close. Jenn sat and waited for her to move back, and we pulled out. Jenn looked at the car in the rear view mirror and said "that mini-van is never going to fit in there."

Because of where we parked, we had to go forward, up and around to get to the exit. As we came back around... we had to stop and wait as the car continued to try to get into the spot we'd just vacated. I wanted to stop and watch her keep trying, but I had to get to work.

Hard to Believe

You know, I've lived in Columbus for almost eight years now, and I've never ever thought of Columbus as a liberal city. Almost all you hear is conservative, conservative, conservative. But now I'm sitting here listening to the new 1230 format and I'm in pig heaven. I've gotten Al Franken and Ed Schultz talking sense and Columbus is listening to it.

I can't wait to see how all this pans out in Cowtown... should be fun.

Progressive Radio in Columbus?

Yes, it's true. There's finally an alternative to all the Dittohead crap you hear on the radio here (as well as an alternative to Buckeye-saturated sports radio)... 1230 AM has gone progressive! Listen to it at http://www.progressive1230.com/main.html.

Listen to Al Franken and friends all day on this great new resource!

Bizarre Attraction

So I was giving blood today, and I'm sitting on the cot squeezing the squeeze-ball, and the girl on the cot across from me was winking at me. Naturally, I was flattered, but for some reason I'm troubled by the idea of being hit on while my bodily fluids are leaking out of me.

Born in the USA

Okay, I was (not surprisingly) watching the Olympics last night, and as Misty May and Kerri Walsh won the gold medal in Beach Volleyball, the loudspeakers in Greece started playing "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen. And one of my BIGGEST pet peeves was realized again.

Okay, America: get this through your heads. "Born in the USA" is NOT a patriotic song! It's a rather scathing criticism of the USA of the post-Vietnam era. Here are the lyrics:

Born down in a dead man's town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

Got in a little hometown jam
so they put a rifle in my hand
Sent me off to a foreign land
to go and kill the yellow man

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

Come back home to the refinery
Hiring man says "son if it was up to me"
Went down to see my V.A. man
He said "son don't you understand now"

Had a brother at Khe Sahn
fighting off the Viet Cong
They're still there he's all gone

He had a woman he loved in Saigon
I got a picture of him in her arms now

Down in the shadow of penitentiary
Out by the gas fires of the refinery
I'm ten years burning down the road
Nowhere to run ain't got nowhere to go

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
I'm a long gone daddy in the U.S.A.

Born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
I'm a cool rocking daddy in the U.S.A.

So please STOP playing this as a patriotic song! Pick something else!

More on Paul Hamm

Here's a column from CNNSI.com's E.M. Swift, who agrees with me (and states his case a bit more clearly, as well).

Despite judging error, Hamm's gold medal shows no tarnish

Leave Paul Hamm Alone!

This most recent incarnation of the Olympics Games has been extraordinarily memorable. Iraq's soccer team's success... Michael Phelps' amazing achievements in the pool... Misty May and Kerri Walsh kicking the competition's asses in Beach Volleyball... the incredible atmosphere and mystique of the shot put, held at the original Olympic stadium in Olympia... the "where the heck did that come from" men's 400 free relay by the South Africans... and much more.

But one thing that stuck out to me as one of the GREATEST Olympic scenes I'd ever seen was in Men's Gymnastics, where Paul Hamm came back from a fall on the vault to win the gold in the all-around. Seeing Paul's disbelieving face as he made an extraordinary comeback was something that I replayed over and over on my TiVo and online.

Then, the bottom fell out.

Apparently, the judges scored a routine for South Korean gymnast Yang Tae-Young incorrectly, and if he had been judged correctly (given the proper starting score for his routine) he should have won the gold. However, the International Gymnastics Federation's rules state that any protests regarding a judgment must be given before the end of the rotation in which the protested routine took place. So, the issue should be thrown out. The South Korean coaches are the ones who screwed up by not following proper procedure.

But apparently they're not willing to take this for an answer, so the talks go on between the USOC and the South Koreans.

Last night, in the men's individual events, Paul Hamm was once again in the high bar event, where he'd sewn up the all-around a few nights earlier. But the judging had been bizarre all night, and it had come to a head with the performance of Russian champion Aleksei Nemov, who put on a GREAT performance but was scored low enough that he wasn't in medal contention. And no offense to Paul Hamm, who did a fantastic job with his routine as usual, but Nemov's routine was outstanding and should have medaled.

The fans had had enough - they booed for about ten minutes straight until the head of the International Gymastics Federation came down and apparently set the judges straight. I don't know what was said, but suffice to say that two judges had their scores re-done, enough to put Nemov into third place temporarily. Nemov made an extraordinary gesture to step to the podium and applaud the crowd's enthusiasm, and then asked for them to quiet down so that Hamm could perform his routine.

Hamm's performance was graded higher than Nemov's, which put him back into a tough situation. He was booed and cheered - or at least there were boos and cheers for Hamm as he landed. He ended up getting the silver to Nemov's being out of the medals, and after the competition he talked to the NBC commentator and was obviously stressed out by the whole situation.

Perhaps my recollection of this is a bit fuzzy - read NBCOlympics.com's article on the topic.

My question is this: why is Paul Hamm at the center of this controversy? He hasn't done ANYTHING but compete. The real wrath should be falling onto the following:

1. The South Korean Olympic committee, for their refusal to let the issue die. They are the ones who screwed up, not Paul Hamm. They should have been paying attention and followed the rules of the competition. Because they didn't, Yang didn't win the gold. NBC's Tim Daggett calls to question whether they're right at all, given the number of holds Yang did in his parallel bars routine. But they need to accept that they screwed up.
   
2. The USOC, for their perpetuation of the situation by saying they'd accept double golds. All this has done is made the South Koreans push harder.
   
3. The judges, for their poor handling of this entire Olympics. It goes back to just before the men's qualifying, when Blaine Wilson was told that his routine that he'd been doing for months in competition wouldn't get the same starting score as it had been, forcing him to change it just before his turn to compete. And it got worse last night. Thank goodness it's over - it could only get worse.

Another question: how much of this is South Korea not ever having gotten over the 2002 Winter Olympics situation with the Short Track Speed Skating issue where Kim Dong-sung illegally cut off Apolo Anton Ohno and was disqualified. He broke the rules, he was DQed. But they had the same reaction then - "Change the rules for us because we want to win."

Perhaps this whole thing started back in Salt Lake City, with the pairs figure skating controversy with Jamie Sale and David Pelletier being scored low because of a French judge's unethical conduct in score-fixing. The result was that both Sale/Pelletier and Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze of Russia received gold medals. Perhaps this opened the door for federations to challenge judgements, even though the figure skating controversy was corruption-based and these later ones were just disagreements.

But thus far, there's no reason to suspect foul play, just bad or misunderstood scoring by the judges. And disregard of the rules by the South Koreans. They need to get over it and stop their complaining. They screwed up, they lost, and they need to live with it.

None of this is Paul Hamm's fault... he's an Olympic champion and he deserves it with his quiet demeanor, his ability to pull victory from defeat, and his ability to withstand criticism that should be put upon him in the first place.

Michael Phelps: More Than Just the Hype

Every Olympic year, it seems, America's sports media picks one athlete that it's going to scrutinize beyond measure. This year it's Swimmer Michael Phelps, a 19-year old kid that, according to the media, was on track to win eight gold medals in swimming. Well, that's obviously not going to happen now, as he's gotten two bronze medals in his first three events (after setting another world record in the 400 IM).

But who cares? First of all, to get multiple medals in the Olympics at ALL is a fantastic feat, and especially when he's doing it in different event types. I can see doing it in just the breaststroke, or just the fly, but he's doing it in the fly, the IM, freestyle, the whole nine yards. The guy is a phenomenon.

And this is in a day and age where American dominance in swimming is no where NEAR what it was back in Mark Spitz's day. This is not to put any damper on what Spitz attained - it was a fantastic feat. But the competition for Phelps is so much more deadly now than back in 1972 because EVERYONE who's anyone is training in the U.S.'s NCAA system. They're all getting the top notch training that only Americans got a few years ago.

So my hat is off to Michael Phelps, a true sports prodigy. And lay off the criticism that he was just a bunch of hype - he's a genuine Olympic hero.

America Falls Behind On International Team Sports

The follies of the U.S. basketball team in the Olympics (a loss to Puerto Rico? Are you kidding me?) lead me to believe that there is not enough emphasis amongst our sports programs in this country on the international game.

In fact, it's interesting to me that the only teams that do well internationally any more are the ones with a regular international schedule - men's and women's soccer being the primary examples.

But basketball? For some reason, it's some sort of weird oddity to be interested in playing on the U.S. Basketball team, when in fact being asked to represent your country at the highest levels of play should be the biggest honor a player can ask for in their sport. Soccer players all look at being on the national team as the greatest level they can achieve, and if they can actually play on the team in a World Cup, then they've made it. PERIOD.

I call upon the NBA, MLB, NHL, and other leagues with regular international competitions available to take them SERIOUSLY. Make playing in World Championship tournaments something to be excited about. The rest of the world thinks so, what makes America such an unpatriotic nation?

Iraq Returns to Olympics With a Bang

Even though the Olympics haven't officially started yet, Iraq has returned to the fold of Olympic sports with a huge bang by beating Portugal 4-2 in soccer. As much as I like the Portugese (except for Porto FC, who beat Celtic in the UEFA Cup Final in 2003 by diving all over the place), I couldn't be happier for the Iraqi Olympic Team.

The stories that we heard about the way the team was treated under the leadership of Uday Hussein, son of Saddam Hussein and just as evil as him, made me absolutely sick. Stories of torture for losses abounded. But the impressive thing is that this didn't keep the team from playing. And their determination showed today as the beat the vaunted Portugese.

I can't wait to hear more on this game, all I know right now is that they won handily (a friend of mine was watching the game). But congratulations to the Iraqi soccer team - you've undergone a lot of suffering and now it's time to shine!

Election Terrorism Fears - Yet Another Bush Deception?

We've been hearing a lot lately about how terrorists are supposedly planning to try to disrupt our national elections in November. I'd like to go on record as saying I don't believe a word of it. To me, this smacks of another one of those attention-diverting "terrorist alerts" that the Department of Homeland Security likes to put out on occasion.

But this one is even more insidious. I believe that the Bush adminstration thinks that if it can keep the number of voters to a minimum by scaring them away from the polls, it will have a better return for them. Under the leadership of Florida Governor Jeb Bush, our president's brother, Florida was able to intimidate black voters away from the polls and "secure" the election for George by keeping the vote closer than it would likely have been. And now they're trying to do it on a national level.

Folks, PLEASE vote this election. Especially if you plan on voting against our current president.

Pregnancy Rumblings, A Correction

My wife has asked me to expand on my post about her asking me to leave the toilet seat up. Specifically, she'd like me to point out that I still left it down. See, that's what too many years of poor patterning by society has done for me.

RIAA, MPAA, They'll Never Learn

Check this out... I'm not a Stargate fan (though I might have been if I'd started watching the show at the beginning), but this was brought to my attention via one of my favorite blogs, Idleworm.

Apparently the owner of the "SG-1 Archive," a fan site for the show Stargate SG-1, was raided by the FBI based on a never-served cease-and-desist order from MGM and the MPAA. Read the article for more.

This is just another example of how archaic copyright law is. Here's a guy who has not only helped to support a fan base for MGM's product, but actually helped to SELL MERCHANDISE for their product. And they repay him by telling him to stop and sending the FBI to raid his home and steal his equipment. If I were him, I'd drop the site altogether and stop watching the show, at the very least.

Another thing: why is the FBI bothering with a sci-fi fan website in the first place? If we have all these problems with terrorism scares and such in this country, don't they have more important things to do?

Sports News?

Sports Illustrated sent me a SPECIAL IMPORTANT email today... apparently some other woman has accused Los Angeles Lakers start Kobe Bryant of groping her or something at Shaquille O'Neal's home in Orlando, so the Shaq may have to take the stand.

When, exactly, did sports news start to revolve around the extracurricular activities of these folks? Sports news, to me, relates to on-the-field events and player movements. Now, I can see doing simple reporting on this topic, as it could have repercussions for the Lakers if Kobe goes to jail or something... but sending out a SPECIAL email for that?

Not necessary. Sports Illustrated needs to remember what's important in sports - and it's not the money the players and owners make. It's how the fans are affected. Pro sports is entertainment, pure and simple. And the entertainment is an on-the-field thing. It shouldn't revolve around the personal lives of these folks. The more we treat these folks as larger than life, the more we're going to see stupid stories like this.

I would ask Sports Illustrated and all its ilk to cut down on the gossipy crap and simply cover the sports.

A/C is Back...

Thank goodness, too.

Things Ain't Kosher in Congress

I highly suggest reading this article from the Blog for America website about the underhanded tactics of House of Reprsentatives Majority Leader Tom DeLay, as accounted for by Representative Jerry Nadler (D-NY).

Nadler and others were attempting to pass an amendment to a bill that would have killed part of the Orwellian "Patriot" Act, when DeLay took over. Just read it and become outraged.

Batman REALLY Returns...

My wife and our friend Carole and I went to see M. Night Shyamalan's The Village yesterday. Great movie...I highly recommend it. But as good as the movie was, the number one thing I took away from my afternoon at the AMC Lennox was the Batman Begins teaser trailer!

I'm a Batman fan, just so you know. Actually, I'm a comic book movie fan in general, but Bats is one of my favorite comics as well as comic book movie. And I was (along with many others) extraordinarily disturbed to see the goofy quagmire that the Batman movies deteriorated into after the first one came out. The original Batman was a classic, IMHO. Tim Burton did everything right with that movie. Not too over the top, not too forced, just right. Michael Keaton was a surprisingly good Batman/Bruce Wayne, and Jack Nicholson was a great Joker.

After the first movie, though, it went downhill. Batman Returns was just a bit too... odd. Danny Devito was a great choice for the Penguin, but Burton's direction and character design with him was just over the top. And Michelle Pfeiffer was a great Catwoman, but she played it TOO campy. Again, I blame Burton for that one - he's the director. Plus the scene with the thousands of remote control penguins? No thanks.

Batman Forever had the makings of a good flick. Val Kilmer was good as Batman and Bruce Wayne, different than Keaton but still effective. The story was a little more back to Batman's roots. But Tommy Lee Jones was a waste as Two-Face - he could have been absolutely great if they'd given the character the consideration he deserves, but he was basically just a colorful face in the movie. The real star of the movie was Jim Carrey - and though he was good as the Riddler, the movie isn't supposed to be about just the villain.

Plus, it had some REALLY bad editing in it. You could sort of see that Bruce was fighting with some guilt over his parents' deaths, but they edited all that out for some reason. It got a bit confusing.

Add to that the neon/fluorescent scenery and it wasn't the best of Batman movies. Joel Schumacher apparently said he was using the comic books as the basis for his movie, but it sure didn't feel like it.

Batman and Robin isn't even worth mentioning, except to say that it was all Joel Schumacher's fault.

Anyway, the trailer for Batman Begins seems like they're on the right foot again. We hopefully have a much darker superhero once again, and it'll be interesting to see them put together the creation of Batman as a hero (which is what I believe the theme of this movie is). Christian Bale is very promising as the Dark Knight, and I eagerly await more.

Ah, My Kingdom for Some A/C

No air conditioning in the office today... things are a little bit warm, so to anyone who comes across me today, I apologize for being testy.

I did buy a fan, though. Thank you CVS and Duracraft! :)

Psychic Mind Reader

Took me a while, but I figured out why this works. See if you can:

Psychic Mind Reader (flash required).

Howard Dean vs. Fox "News"

I watched an excerpt of a Howard Dean interview with Fox News's Sean Hannity today (Hannity was actually on the floor of the Democratic Convention, I couldn't believe it) where Hannity was asking Dean about the "left's" (Hannity's word, not mine) forgiveness of John Kerry and John Edwards for their laying out the belief that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, while they refuse to leave President Bush alone with that. Dean obviously mentioned that there were plenty of other lies that the president told us, but I think that Dean missed out on one simple fact.

Where exactly did Kerry and Edwards get their information on the WMDs in Iraq? Well, most likely they came from the president and his administration. At the time, there was no reason to believe that Bush was lying through his teeth about the presence of WMDs there. Now, I disagree that we should have ever gone to Iraq, but the fact remains that Congress needs to be able to trust the president with intelligence, as intelligence agencies like the CIA, NSC, and FBI are under his jurisdiction as the leader of the executive branch of our government.

So, if Congress can't trust our nation's leader to get them good information, that leader needs to be at least voted out of office. He SHOULD be impeached. He's certainly done a lot more harm than President Clinton ever did with Monica Lewinsky.

Songs From My Noggin

"Bea-u-tiful People of Denver" - from the musical The Unsinkable Molly Brown.

Don't ask.

October Surprise, Part 2

Apparently I'm not the only person who thinks that Bush may have a late-breaking surprise for the electorate... check out this video at TooStupidToBePresident.com

Batman Fan Films

For a long time, I ignored fan films - most of the ones I saw were for Star Wars and such and I honestly don't have much interest in those. And for the most part, the quality is too poor to even warrant looking at them.

But just recently I came across a new website with fan films - Batman Fan Films. This site has top notch movies connected to it - some of which are darned close to being studio quality. I think it's worth checking out.

Especially good are the latest two entries: Grayson and World's Finest. GREAT stuff.

Songs From My Noggin

"One Vision" - Queen

Pregnancy Rumblings

Okay, last night my wife told me to do something that I almost had to post right away - but she told me to turn off the computer and go to bed. 

I've been trying to be a good husband and put down the toilet seat after doing you-know-what.   Well... last night she asked me to leave it up.  She MEANT to say to leave the seat down and the lid up (it's hard for her to bend over to lift it, I guess).  But you have to admit that's pretty funny. 

Just in Time for the Democratic Convention...

I absolutely LOVE how the Bush Administration is suddenly hinting at the possibility of an Iran (not Iraq, notice) connection to the 9/11 attacks, and just before the Democratic Convention is about to start up. 
 
Could it be that our dear president is worried about the Democrats bringing out how much his administration has screwed things up both domestically and overseas, and he wants to distract attention from that by creating a new enemy for us all to fear? 
 
This is like the October Surprise, only earlier.  I'm predicting now that the Shrub and company will be coming out with some big announcement about Iran's involvement in 9/11 this weekend or next week, during the Democratic Convention.  Keep in mind that the CIA has already said that it has no evidence of Iranian involvement...
 
As far as the actual October Surprise goes, btw, I think we're going to see a certain Al Qaeda leader suddenly show up just before the election. 

No Smoking Allowed in Columbus!

And it's about time, too. Major kudos to the Columbus City Council for enacting a ban on cigarette smoking in public places.

I like a good bar - but the number one thing I hate about them is coming out smelling like an ashtray. You just KNOW the damage that's being done to your health in such places, yet smokers just puff away like they own the place.

Now, I'm not going to tell anyone that they can't smoke. In fact, if you're a smoker, then I congratulate you on being brave enough to withstand the hordes of evidence that you're harming yourself by taking on such a nasty habit. But that does not give you ANY right to harm me just because you want to light up. If you want to light up, then go somewhere that your habit is not harming my health. I have the right to go into a public place and not expect to be made sick.

Major kudos to the cities around Columbus, as well - the suburbs. From all reports I'm hearing, most of them are looking to enact similar bans. This is going to make it easier for Columbus businesses to weather the storm of people stomping out because they can't smoke, and looking for other places to do it.

Now, if there's only a way to get smokers to stop littering by throwing their butts out the window at every traffic stop...

Customer Service At Its Most Descriptive

Had to pay my SBC bill today, which I receive and pay online. As I was paying it, I noticed that my old residential address was still on the bill. Well, that ain't right, so I looked around on the website for a place to change that. Didn't find anything, all I found was a spot to change my password, nickname for my account, or username.

So, being the sort of person who likes to have his ducks in a row, more or less, I emailed their customer service desk. Here's my message:

When I view my eBill, I see that it has my old residential address on it. How do I change this?

And here's the response I got.

Dear Mr. Fellrath,

Thank you for your recent email. To change your account information please follow these instructions:

1. Log in to MySBC(SM) account at https://www.sbc.com/mysbc with your User ID and Password.
2. At the MySBC service Overview page, click on the Edit Profile link located on the upper right portion of the page.
3. At the MySBC account Profile page, click on the Edit button beside the information you would like to update and follow the instructions.

You may also update this information by selecting the SBC eBill Profile tab from your online bill and then clicking on Edit MySBC(SM) Profile.

Now... this was what I already did. This was where there were no options for the address. So I responded one more time...

None of the options on that page give me access to changing my address, as it appears on my eBill. Is there another place I must go to change that?

And... here's their exact response. Pay CLOSE attention to their word usage.

Dear Mr. Fellrath,

Thank you for your recent email. Please contact an Ebill
representative, at 1-8XX-XXX-XXXX for futile assistance.

Thank yoy for choosing SBC products and services.

It's all I can do not to make my next message say:

I already got your futile assistance. Now I'd like some that's actually HELPFUL.

I do think that pretty much says it all, don't you?

"I Get a Kick Out of You!"

Okay, as my wife just pointed out to me, I have failed to note that I had a very significant event in my life take place just a couple nights ago...

I actually felt my child KICK for the first time.

Jennifer has actually been feeling this for some time, now, but this was a first for me. According to her, the kid is ready to start youth soccer now. And I'd been trying to feel it myself for a while... including telling Jenn to wake me up if it got to be strong enough that I could feel it during the night. This is apparently akin to trying to make a Greek hero after a long lingering gaze at Medusa. It ain't gonna happen.

So for me to finally feel it was pretty special. I feel sort of detached from the whole process, being the man and not having anything inside me other than the carrots and celery I'm currently munching on. But such is the role of the expectant father, so I'll continue to watch and wait, and naturally help as much as I can, until the day that I can hold the kid in my arms, watch it spit on my shirt, and then hand the tyke back to Jenn while I run out to the kitchen to clean myself up. :)

My Viking Name

From the website: http://www.thequarter.org/Media/VikingName.php

My Viking Name is:

Jón Oakenhorse
Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You have a thirst for battle, and tend to strike first and think later. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".

You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. Other Vikings consider you "one of the guys".

You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. You sometimes come off as a bit of a snob. Vikings are not snobbish people -- they either like you, or they kill you. Try to be more like a Viking.

Songs From My Noggin

"Chelsea 3 AM" - The Prodigals

The Never-Ending Quest for Self-Improvement

For the last two work days, I've been going to OSU's Larkins Hall at lunch to work out. It's amazing how much better you feel when you do some real work during the day - not just sitting at a desk.

Larkins has a big wrestling room (luckily it doesn't SMELL like your typical wrestling room) with a thick mat so I can do all my Combat Conditioning exercises without having to move around too much. It also has a rope to climb and pullup bars. Heck, what else does a bodyweight exerciser need?

Felt good to do some wall walkers - I did ten today and actually got my chest to touch the wall a couple times near the end. Naturally, that's not all I did - threw in some Hindu Squats and Jumper Squats, plenty of Hindu Pushups, and some other ab and back exercises.

Looking forward to continuing this habit...

Stop the Englishization of U.S. Soccer

Read a little blurb today on Matchnight.com's Dallas Burn affiliate, the 3rd Degree. Apparently, the Burn wants to change their name, and they're changing it to the bland "FC Dallas."

I have BIG issues with this.

Soccer is a sport that, around the world, every country has made their own and in their own way. Look at the Salsa Soccer of Brazil, or the Reggae Boyz of Jamaica. And in the U.S., we have Sam's Army and MLS.

Now let's look at sports traditions in the U.S. American sports teams have nicknames, traditionally. Would the New York Yankees be the same if they were the New York BC? Or the Boston Celtics as Boston BC? Or the Detroit Redwings as Detroit HC? No. And MLS teams shouldn't be any different. They have nicknames... keep 'em. Or, if you're going to change them, look at what San Jose did. Go with a name that has some history to it, as they did when they changed from the Clash to the Earthquakes, the name of the old San Jose NASL team.

Secondly, why "FC?" What exactly does that stand for? "Football" club? I've got news for Dallas's ownership, but "Football" in this country is not soccer. Football is played with an oval ball and lasts up to three-and-a-half to four hours. It's a much more established sport in this country. And to publicly call Soccer "Football" is just going to cause more derision from the U.S. sports media.

I will never understand the need of U.S. Soccer fans to be more European, or more specifically, more English. U.S. Soccer is an American version of the world's game. Do they call it "Piede Sferra" in Italian? No, they call it Calcio. America has a strong sports tradition already, there's no need to supplant it with any foreign stuff. Be proud of being American!

More On The Pistons Of Old

Jonathon Chaitt of the New Republic put out this article on the Detroit Pistons, a well thought out look at the NBA of the time and how Detroit put defense in basketball back on the map - thankfully.

http://www.tnr.com/doc.mhtml?i=sports&s=chait061604

Best Albums Of All Time - Poobah-Style

In no particular order:

• Life's Rich Pageant - R.E.M.


• The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust And the Spiders From Mars - David Bowie


• It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back - Public Enemy


• Swagger - Flogging Molly


• Go On - The Prodigals


• The Wall - Pink Floyd


• The Cactus Album - 3rd Bass


• Pleased to Meet Me - The Replacements


• Broken - Nine Inch Nails

More to come as I think of them.

Detroit Pistons: 2004 NBA Champs!

When I was in college, my roommate Kevin was a big Michael Jordan fan. This was back before the Bulls under Jordan won all their titles, and Jordan hadn't quite made the mega-stardom levels that he did in the mid-to-late nineties. He was also a fan of Dominique Wilkins, and all the big "dunking" stars.

I, myself, was never a fan of flashy players. I always liked the Grabowskis - the players who got down in the dirt and ground out wins. Hence, I liked the Detroit Pistons of the late 80s and early 90s. The "Bad Boys" were what I wanted to see - a tough, defensive minded team that took no prisoners and shut down the flash in favor of working for a win. So, to combat Kevin's Jordan and Wilkins posters, I threw up my own poster of Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn wearing black and silver Pistons jersies and crushing basketballs in their bare hands.

Kevin HATED it. The Pistons style of play wasn't what basketball was supposed to be about, he'd say. But he left me alone when they won two straight titles in 1989 and 1990. And he'd especially leave me alone when I made the point that Jordan couldn't do anything against Pistons guard Joe Dumars.

Well, Dumars is back, as the director of basketball operations for the Pistons, and he's still finding ways to win. The Pistons throttled the L.A. Lakers for the NBA Championship last night, and I stayed up to watch a pro basketball game for the first time since... possibly 1990. :)

This team was, in many ways, just as exciting as the old Bad Boys were. But in a way, I like them more. They're even less flashy and more hard-nosed than the Bad Boys, but without the propensity for violence. They just get in there and get the job done.

The player who impressed me the most was Ben Wallace. Wallace pulled a horrific duty in having to cover the big man, Shaquille O'Neal, and he did it so well that Shaq was held to ten points less than his career playoff average. And the guy just saw the court and moved to rebound the ball better than just about anyone I've seen in a long time.

I'm never going to be a huge basketball fan, as soccer is my first love sports-wise. I'm not a fan of a sport where you pretty much have to be some sort of genetic freak to play - and basketball players are simply too damn tall. I like sports that anyone can play.

But this team certainly did grind out the win by taking the league's most storied franchise to the hoop and showing them how it's done. My hat is off to the 2003-4 Pistons - NBA Champs.

Columbus: No Longer A Soccer Town

It's very disappointing to look at the history of Crew Stadium and think about all the great events that have taken place there, and then look at what it's become today. I remember the first season of MLS in Crew Stadium very well - May 15, 1999 was the beginning of what I had hoped would be the rennaissance of soccer in the city I'd adopted as my own.

That night, the Crew played host to the New England Revolution in the first game to be held in the first soccer-specific stadium in the country (I don't include Fort Lauderdale's Lockhart Stadium because it's a high school football stadium). They won, 2-0, in front of a standing-room-only crowd of great soccer fans.

Fast forward to February 28, 2001. Columbus played host to the top-draw game of the World Cup qualifying season when Mexico and the U.S. came to our fair stadium to battle it out. The U.S. won, 2-0, and no fan dared leave early.

Fast forward to later that same year: MLS Cup at Crew Stadium: Los Angeles versus San Jose. A pathetic crowd didn't even come close to filling the stadium that day, but it was argued at the time that because Columbus wasn't in the game, no one in Columbus cared all that much. To that, I say "Feh." A true soccer fan would go just to see the best two teams in the country duke it out for the championship. And it was a very exciting game - went into extra time and won by the 'Quakes on a great Dwayne DeRosario goal.

Now, let's look at the Crew's first championship match in Crew Stadium. Perhaps as a nod to the Crew after screwing them in their FIRST championship match, against the Chicago Fire at Soldier Field. The game was originally to be held in Virginia Beach, but a hurricane caused the game to be moved. U.S. Soccer, in its infinite lack of wisdom, sent the game to Soldier. Not exactly fair, especially since the game was to be at a neutral site. Anyway, apparently that rule went out the window after that because Columbus held the 2002 U.S. Open Cup final game at Crew Stadium on Oct. 24, 2002. The crowd was pathetic. I had invited my brother, sister, and cousin to the game and despite it being a well-fought match, the crowd was tiny and missed seeing the Crew win its first title ever.

Finally, let's look at last Sunday's World Cup Qualifying match. Less than 10,000 people, a good percentage of them Grenadians, took to the seats of Hunt Park to watch the U.S. open its Germany 2006 against the island that Ronnie Reagan made free. That's less than 50% of capacity, folks. And the U.S. looked good - it's not like this was the 2003 Crew playing, it was the best that U.S. Soccer had to offer, in a game that was the beginning of the team trying to return to the World Cup.

But... should Columbus be ashamed of itself? I say "yes" and "no." Part of the blame has to lie with the Crew Stadium staff, and beyond that, Hunt Sports Group. I've seen ticket agents for the Crew come and go with more frequency than some migrant workers. HSG needs to learn that if you want a good, experienced, and loyal staff, you have to pay for it. The Crew pays their employees very poorly, to the point where the talented people leave.

But Columbus, for all its posturing about being a "soccer town," has proven itself to be nothing more than an event-driven town. If a big thing comes to town, then it's certainly worth going to, at least a couple of times. That was proven by the good crowds in MLS Year One and in 1999 for the opening of Crew Stadium. But now, the soccer fan in Columbus doesn't feel the need to go any more. I call those people fake. If you are a soccer fan, you go watch pro soccer in Crew Stadium. I won't lie, I can totally understand skipping college soccer events - that's some pretty poor soccer and it frustrates me to watch it. But when the U.S. team can't draw 20,000 people from a city of over a million... then that town no longer deserves to call itself a soccer city.

Finally, A Fair Comparison

Over the years, we've seen a lot of great internet games, such as the Guess the Dictator or Sitcom Character, or the famous Kevin Bacon Game. But this one may rule them all... Get ready for:

Songs From My Noggin

"Express Yourself" - N.W.A.

Gary Gygax Would Be So Proud...

Okay, I don't know how many of you played Dungeons and Dragons when you were younger (or hey, many of you probably do now), but I used to. My sister sent me this link and if you played back then, you so need to watch it. It takes a little while to load, but it's totally worth it.

http://www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.html

Looking For Some Random Violence

This is a fun game - sort of reminds me of the old "GeoWar" game on the systems I used to play on at Alma College when I was a kid.

Obviously a Columbus Driver

This cracks me up... the funny thing is that I can totally see some impatient driver getting into this situation because they just HAD to have that spot right next to the door of the store they were going into.

Rude People on the Bus

I'm a bus rider. I like not having to worry about parking, traffic, stupid drivers, etc. I like having time to just sit on the way to work, read a book or magazine, what have you.

But one thing I can't stand is (I'm sure you've guessed it) rude people.

There's not a lot of room on a bus - they try to make them fit as many people as possible, for obvious reasons. So when I'm sitting in an outside seat and I have to get off, the person sitting on the inside seat should stand up and get out of the way so I can do so, right?

Apparently not. Too often I get stuck with that person who just pulls their knees up or scoots to the side. I'm tempted to brush my ass in their face as I go by sometimes, just so they get the idea.

End of Friends

Well, 'tis a sad day in TV land. Not quite as sad as when Fox cancelled John Doe, but still very sad. Friends is going off the air. And, of course, all people can talk about is what's going to happen with Ross and Rachel.

Am I alone in the world of Friends' fans in that I couldn't care LESS what happens to Ross? I was seriously hoping for Rachel and Joey to get together, or hell, even Rachel and Phoebe. Ross annoys the living piss out of me. If he was someone I ran into at work, I'd probably hate his guts. But no, America's all agog about the possibility of Ross and Rachel getting together finally, and you know that NBC isn't going to do something smart like let Ross get run over by a bus or something.

Well, as much as I'll miss Chandler and Joey, I guess it's okay for Friends to be ending. The show has pretty much done all it can, and they've done it with class, style, and some pretty great comedy.

Now John Doe, on the other hand...

Songs From My Noggin

Unfortunately, it's "Oh, Yes, Wyoming" from the Jerry Seinfeld/Superman website.

Clone this!

Read an article on Yahoo this morning from Reuters about the movie Godsend, which is apparently about human cloning. They did a pretty clever marketing technique with the movie's website, in that they created a website for a "Cloning Clinic" with links to the movie's webpage.

The article is here, and the clinic's website is here.

Apparently, there are people calling for this website to be shut down because it's too controversial. Folks, just read what's there and poke around, and you'll discover that it's for the movie! I found eight or so links to the movie on the FRONT PAGE ALONE.

There are also some folks who are upset because they think the site is insensitive to those who've lost a loved one. Well, you know, there are always going to be things that remind us of times of sorrow. The only way to get over such things is to deal with the sorrow and move on. I've had sorrow in my life, and I've dealt with it and moved on. Most people do. If you CAN'T get over it alone, then find help.

Finally - let's look at first amendment rights. There is NOTHING that says people have a right not to be offended. If anything, people specifically do NOT have that right. The right to free speech and freedom of expression precludes that, without a doubt. I may not like to hear some moron ranting about how the environment is fine, but he has the right to say it. I then have the right to point out what an brainless prat he is, naturally.

It's JUST a website for a movie. Deal with it.

More Laziness

Another sign that America is getting too lazy: They actually make briefcases with rollers now - in case your BRIEFCASE is too heavy.

Ladies and gentlemen, the day your briefcase is too heavy is the day you need to head back into the gym or at least do some pushups.

I'll get you started. Order the book "Combat Conditioning" from this guy: Matt Furey. For those of you who want to get REALLY fit, and I'm not just talking lifting weights and getting big, cosmetic muscles, but actually STRONGER, buy this guy's stuff. And follow his program. I'm doing it and I've never felt better.

Songs From My Noggin

"Boot to the Head" - the Frantics

It's enough to make you get weepy...

Crew season is ALMOST HERE!

Songs from My Noggin

"Crossed-Eyed Mary" - Jethro Tull

The Return of Superman... and Seinfeld?

This cracked me up a LOT. Check out this link from, of all places, American Express. The whole concept of Superman with ADD, basically, was too damn funny.

No Pants Day!

First, there was Talk Like A Pirate Day which I totally support, and now they've come up with No Pants Day! Apparently this year it's May 7th. I suppose... run out and take off your pants on that day.

No Pants Day.com has a quiz that tells you what you should be wearing on this august day (not AUGUST... it's in May). Here's what I got... not sure I'm ready for that.

You Should Wear Your Girlfriend's Panties! She won't know what to think about this, but it will be worth it. Tip: if you can't keep the goods tucked away, try chilling them with ice first. Find out which No Pants Day outfit YOU should wear! No Pants Day is May 7th, 2004. To find out more about No Pants Day, visit www.NoPantsDay.com

I was actually thinking of wearing a kilt...

NCAA Tournament? Feh. Give Me the U.S. Open Cup...

Just read an editorial (if you can call an opinionated sports article an "editorial") today about how the NCAA basketball tournament captures the spirit of America more than any other sporting event. I beg to differ.

Perhaps it doesn't have the same attraction because of what sport it is, but I think the U.S. Open Cup has more of an all-American feel to it than the NCAAs. Let me explain...

The NCAA tournament is made up of college teams. PERIOD. No exceptions to that rule. Therefore, anyone playing on these teams was probably recruited for their playing ability to play at a University, where their needs are taken care of via scholarships.

Let's look at the makeup of most American soccer teams. Now, I'm not talking about MLS here (though some of what I'm about to say applies to players there, too). American soccer players are, for the most part, semi-professional players at best. Your typical A-League, D3 League, etc. player has to have another job at the very least just to make ends meet. Soccer is played because it's a passion, a love for the sport. Some of these guys put their lives on hold for the chance to play soccer at a high level.

Second, let's look at the leagues themselves. MLS and the A-League are full-fledged professional leagues, though they certainly don't make any where near the money of the big four sports. The D3 League is semi-professional. The PDL is made up of college students who need teams to play on in their college offseasons (to a large extent). And then there are the amateur teams, which can be anything from a bar team to a team made up of immigrants to group of pals who play in a city league. Any of these teams can take place in the U.S. Open Cup - as long as they're good enough and can get into an entry tournament of some kind.

Third, let's look at the sports themselves. By and large, basketball players have to be tall. If you're not a tall hoopster, and that's rare, then you need some other skill to fall back on to survive your scholarship. But soccer players can come in all sizes - towering defenders, nimble midfielders, rough and hard-charging wingers, speedy opportunistic forwards, or any number of combinations thereof. Jon Busch, goalkeeper for the Columbus Crew, is one of the better keepers in that league yet stands a whole 5' 10" in a position normally reserved for the giants of the league. Mamadou Diallo, a former leading scorer in MLS, was a monster player at forward, where you usually have smaller, faster guys. And the variations go on.

That's the beauty of soccer - it doesn't matter how big or small you are, it's how you play the game. If you can do something special with the body you've been given, you'll be a success. And that's what America is all about - doing what you can with what you have.

If that's not the American spirit at its best, I don't know what is.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES...

You'd never think that four words could have so huge an impact on your life as to change your outlook completely, but they can.

"We're having a baby."

My wife Jennifer hadn't been feeling particularly well the past couple weeks, and after a friend of ours reported that she was pregnant, that started Jenn thinking. So... she stopped at the drug store, picked up a little test, and BINGO - our lives are changed forever.

Obviously, we've done the doctor thing at this point so we know it's for sure, but I'm still reeling from the news that I'm going to be a dad. It's been fun telling folks, but at the same time it's very intimidating to realize that this time next year I'm going to be helping to take care of a new life, a life that's going to be relying on me for pretty much everything.

Tends to sober you up quite a bit, eh?

Songs from My Noggin

"Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These" by the Eurythmics

Songs from My Noggin

"Stand" - R.E.M.

Backfire?

Been about a month since I posted here, just saw something that made me laugh out loud.

Some organization called "The American Family Association" sent me a request to be polled, so I did. It was a presidential poll, with John Kerry, Ralph Nader, and the Great Pretender on the list of possibilities. So, naturally, I responded with John Kerry as I plan to vote for him and get the Shrub out of office. After the poll was over, I got the results thus far.

John Kerry: 90.05%
George Bush: 3.64%
Ralph Nader: 6.32%

Smiling, I thought "You know, I don't even know who the American Family Association is." So I checked out their website... they're a right-wing freak-job bunch - with issues on their site like "The Homosexual Agenda" and "Church In America." I hope they look at these results they're getting and cry like babies.

Watching Bush Fall

Following all the stuff lately about the non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction has made me giggle. Massive props to the CIA head George Tenet for saying publicly that our lying chief executive is continuing his ways.

I'm not deluded enough to believe that the Republican Congress is going to allow him to be impeached, much less indicted. But hopefully history will show that this loser never had any business being in the White House. I'm not saying Al Gore would have been perfect (though I'm sure he wouldn't have raped the environment like the Bush Administration has) but he certainly would have been better than the pretender on the throne.

Follow up to Feb. 1st

Okay... we saw the driving dog-walker from the other day and I got his license number down: Ohio - DZ86SP. Harass this ass as much as you see him. That poor dog was walking around in the rain by itself this morning and looking REALLY scared. Jenn and I are going to report him to the Humane Society. Luckily... she volunteers there, in the cruelty investigations department!

Songs from My Noggin

"Pattycake" - The Selfies

Songs from My Noggin

"No Sleep Till Brooklyn" - The Beastie Boys

Songs from My Noggin

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" - Gordon Lightfoot

Songs from My Noggin

"Molly Malone" - traditional Irish tune.

Latest (and most annoying) Sign that People Are Getting Lazier

Jenn and I were out walking our dogs Brandy and Guinness this morning, and we saw a guy at the park who was walking his dog from his CAR. The dog was walking around outside the car as he drove down the park's road.

1. He could have run his dog over.


2. If something happened to the dog, like another dog or a raccoon attacking it, he wouldn't have been able to do anything.


3. If he was watching the dog, he wasn't watching the road.

Next time I see this bastard, I'll post his license plate number. Anyone in Columbus, feel free to egg his car.

Songs from My Noggin

"Blue Angel" - Squirrel Nut Zippers (Guess we've been listening to a lot of Squirrel Nut Zippers this past weekend).

Songs from my noggin

"Hell" - Squirrel Nut Zippers

Who Here Thinks the British Royal Family Is Out of Touch?

Apparently Queen Elizabeth is going to give an honorary knighthood to BILL GATES.

Let that percolate around in your mind for a while.

Latest Sign that People Are Getting Lazier:

Just went to get coffee at the coffee bar in OSU hospital. You pick up your coffee and then naturally move over to the condiments counter where they have cream, sugar, honey, stirrers, napkins, etc.

Right in the little basket with the packets of honey, someone had thrown two dirty stirrers. And the trash was about two feet to the left of that.

I worry about this world.

Songs from My Noggin

"Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)" - Allan Sherman

Support the Troops?

Okay... it's been several months since the War in Iraq officially ended (though no one seems to have told the "enemy"). And I think it's finally okay for me to ask this question:

What exactly does it mean when people say "I support the troops?"

I mean, I hope they don't get killed or wounded. I hope they come back home safely. I've sent care packages to them. I hope their families are well-taken care of. I let people know when the government isn't doing what it should be doing to support them, such as our president trying to reduce their hazardous duty pay or removing the benefits that families of soldiers in hazardous duty get. Is that what it means to support the troops?

Because I see a lot of people driving around with their "Support the Troops" signs and American flags on their cars, and I wonder - what exactly are THEY doing to support the troops?

It seems to me it's a lot of backlash from the Vietnam era, where you heard the stories about soldiers' poor treatment upon coming home. I can understand making note that the war itself isn't the troops' fault. It's the government's fault. And taking frustrations out on the soldiers doing the fighting is the wrong and immoral way to go. Reminding folks of that isn't a bad thing.

But is that what's happening here?

It's the Little Things That Bug You Sometimes...

This morning, as every morning, I reached Neil Avenue on my way to work (after getting off the bus, so I was walking). And, this morning, as every morning, I sat and watched in silent amusement and partial annoyance at the idiot college student who stood watching both ways in rapt attention to cross the street against the light. And of course, when the light did change, he wasn't paying attention to it so I walked right past him into the crosswalk.

Even better, yesterday I watched a kid try to cross against the light, forcing the oncoming car to slow down. Then they did that little dance where one starts to go just as the other starts to go, etc. All this while the walk light was on "Don't Walk." Finally, he just went. And about 2 seconds later the light turned to "Walk."

Folks... what the HELL is so hard about waiting 30 seconds to cross with the light?

Songs from My Noggin

"Dirty Old Town" by the Pogues (but as performed by Brigid's Cross)

Songs from My Noggin

New feature - here's the song that has been in my head all day.
Today: Edwyn Collins - "A Girl Like You"

Best Picture Ever

Okay, my friend Joachim sent this to me... this may very well be the BEST PICTURE EVER!

Super Bowl Woes - CBS Sucks

I'd never think to tell people they shouldn't watch the Super Bowl. I mean, more than any other sporting event in the U.S., it's THE GAME. And I'm not even that huge a football fan (well, not pro football, at least).

But... I'm totally against it being on CBS this year, and that's because they've decided they can't show the MoveOn.org ad called "Child's Pay." Apparently it's too controversial. But they're still running ads for President Bush... who I think is even more controversial.

Here's a link to MoveOn.org and the issue at hand. Make up your mind for yourself.

(3/10/2004: MoveOn.org's picture has been removed - but the information is still there).

Top Notch Blog

Want to see a blog that puts mine to shame? Check this out: http://www.henry.martinez.net.

This guy has everything. Check out his videos, especially #1 (the robot dance one) and #14 (the best dog one).